“What are you giving up?”

I can remember this question floating around the playground of my Catholic elementary school casually and regularly throughout February each year, not so different from “What are you dressing up as?” in October, and “What are you asking for?” in December. 

Kids know how to start a conversation! 

In all seriousness, from a young age, I was aware of the centrality of fasting in its various forms to the season of Lent. From my own go-to practice of giving up candy, (though some years music or television), to joining my family in abstaining from meat on Fridays, I learned about self-control and self-denial. And with the help of my parents and teachers, I was able to make connections between my little sacrifices and the much greater sacrifice of Jesus.

I also, thanks to my parents and parish, knew that prayer is a pillar of Lent. My family spent each Friday night throughout the six weeks of the season attending my parish's Stations of the Cross service. While it probably wasn’t my first choice of evening activity, I don’t recall seriously opposing the family practice and I always felt a sense of connection to God in the solemnity of the sanctuary as we walked imaginatively through the Way of the Cross. To this day, I love to pray The Stations.

As for Almsigivng – which joins fasting and prayer as one of the three pillars of Lent – my school helped me to integrate this practice into my childhood by handing out Rice Bowls or Lenten quarter folders each year. I can remember collecting quarters from between the couch cushions after my dad would lie down for a nap and they’d slip from his pockets and placing them in little slots marked “a bowl of soup each day of the week for a child in Uganda” or “a semester of school supplies for a child in El Salvador.” These child-friendly giving opportunities helped me to understand at a young age the Christian call to sharing what we have to ease the burdens of others.

Fasting, prayer and almsgiving: these pillars of Lent are doable by children and adults alike, in individual or communal settings, and in simple or elaborate ways. 

Here are some ideas of what they could look like in your family this Lenten season:

Fasting

Try a family fasting practice, and give up something collectively. Do you have a Friday night pizza tradition that everyone loves? Maybe for the season of Lent, you make homemade pizza (or shop pizzas from the freezer section of your grocery store) instead of ordering out. You’ll keep up with a family tradition, but with a touch of sacrifice. 

Another family fasting idea is to acquaint your crew with the ways that impoverished people around the world fill their bellies, and, in solidarity, join them with simple suppers. Catholic Relief Services offers an excellent array of recipes for meatless meals from around the world.

Prayer

I, of course, have fond memories of attending Stations of the Cross services at my church throughout the Lents of my childhood, and I think it’s a great idea to look into prayerful opportunities that your parish might be offering this season. But it’s also great to integrate specifically Lenten prayer into your family’s prayer routines. 

For instance, you might choose a Lenten devotional to read an excerpt from each evening before your regular mealtime prayers. Bitter & Sweet, by Tsh Oxenreider is a great option. 

Or, you might gather in the living room before everyone begins their bedtime routines, light a candle, and listen to a Lenten hymn like Stabat Mater. This family prayer experience stands on its own, although you could also engage in a discussion afterwards about how Jesus's way of the cross impacted his mother. Stabat Mater invites you into this mental and heart space, as it invites listeners to consider the perspective of Mary throughout Jesus's passion.

Almsgiving

I love the idea of tying almsgiving to the other Lenten pillars, and in particular, fasting. 

For instance, if you choose to give up ordering pizza or going out to restaurants throughout the season of Lent, take the money that you would have spent and donate it to your local food pantry or Catholic Relief Services (the official international humanitarian agency of the Catholic community in the United States), your diocese's arm of Catholic Charities or a different non-profit whose work you support. I think it can be very impactful for children to see the direct link between their sacrifices (it’s hard to give up pizza from your favorite shop!) and charitable giving.

As an alternative to traditional almsgiving – which involves giving money or food to those in need – your family might consider embarking on some sort of service opportunity together. This might look like volunteering at a soup kitchen in your community, or it could be as simple as spending an hour on a Saturday morning picking up trash in your neighborhood park. Again, it’s useful to get explicit with kids in making the faith connection here. I might say something like, “When we give of ourselves and make sacrifices of time and energy, we make the world a better place for others. Jesus showed us how to do this through his way of the cross.”