Living Out the Virtues of Advent
My earliest childhood memories of Advent involve, I’m sorry to say it, fighting with my siblings over who got to light and blow out the candles on our family’s advent wreath.
Was my family the only one that could turn literally anything into a cause for rivalry?!
There’s a happy ending to this story, though, which is that to this day, my adult brothers and sister still enjoy making a big scene about who gets candle lighting and extinguishing privileges when we’re gathered together around the holidays, but now it’s all in laughter and jest. With time, our argumentativeness has alchemized into nostalgia and delight at being together.
The Advent wreath was a fixture in my home throughout all of my growing up years, but it was only when I started working at a church in my mid-twenties that I realized each of the candles represented the themes of Advent: hope, peace, joy and love. Since that time, I’ve grown increasingly interested in making these virtues an explicit focus of my contemplation and action throughout the season of Advent.
Here are some reflections on how this can look:
Hope
The other day my daughter asked me what “hope” means, and I had a hard time putting the virtue into words. “It’s kind of like wishing, but with confidence that the thing you want will come to pass,” I told her.
I’ve continued to mull over my definition, and while I think it works, I don’t think it fully captures the essence of the hopefulness that Advent contains.
Hope, the song conveys, is not merely an intellectual activity; it’s a deep sense, an internal vibration – a thrill. We can’t understand hope just by thinking about it; we have to feel it, to experience it. In turn, we can’t demand or create for ourselves the experience of something like hope, I don’t think – it’s a gift from God.
That said, I do believe that we can cultivate an attitude of heart, openness of spirit, and an environment conducive to receiving the gift of hope. In my experience, some practices that have helped me strengthen these postures include listening to music that moves my heart, filling my home with beautiful art to meditate on, and reading devotional and scriptural passages that feature hope.
Peace
When my grandmother died years ago, I received a sympathy card with this quote on it: “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
I think of this card around this time of year, because let’s face it, December brings a lot of noise, activity and hard work for parents. Even if we intend to keep Advent Advent and wait till Christmas to celebrate Christmas, we live in a world that fills December to the brim with parties, concerts, parades, and more. I’m no Scrooge, and I’m not going to say no to attending the neighborhood cookie exchange (okay, confession time: I’m hosting the neighborhood cookie exchange. I love festivity, and I love community! See more in the joy section, ha!).
That’s why I don’t wait for exterior quiet and stillness to look for peace, but instead pray to keep a peaceful heart amidst the outer chaos. I find that looking for pockets of calm – evening vespers at my parish; an early morning walk before my kids wake up – helps me plant and water the seed of peace that then continues to bloom even when the volume goes up.
Joy
It’s almost impossible for me not to feel the joy of the season of Advent, given that I live with an almost-six-year-old, a four-year-old, and a one-and-a-half-year-old. They embody joy, all the time, but especially at this time of year.
For me, then, I experience joy simply by being present in the moment with them. There are always other things that I could be doing when I’m home with them: folding the laundry, washing the dishes, tidying the family room, texting my sister, reading a magazine, taking a nap.
Those activities feel productive and satisfying in the moment, and yes, many of them do eventually need to get done. But if I want a dose of joy – which I do! – I’m pausing to read them a Christmas book, cuddle with them on the couch, or engage with them in their play.
Love
Loving is a feeling, yes, but it’s also a choice to show care, tenderness, and goodwill – to our family members, our neighbors, the people we serve at work, and strangers whom we encounter wherever we go.
I’ve found that when I choose to extend love, I feel love growing within me. Some simple ways to integrating loving action into the days of Advent include sending cards to people whom you know could use a pick-me-up, giving small gifts to people whom you might not ordinarily include on your nice list, picking up a few extra groceries to drop off at a neighborhood blessing box or human services office, or going out of your way to compliment someone you bump into at the post office.
Living out the virtues of Advent helps me to prepare my heart for the coming of Christ with intention and faith. Embracing hope, peace, joy and love in my daily life feels like a truly worthwhile way to spend this sacred season. Would you join me?
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